The People v. Mr. Fox

Charge sheet

1. Count 1
   Theft of livestock — first degree, three counts

   Each evening, the defendant selected one of three neighboring farms and removed poultry from it. The court draws the jury's attention to the rotation system: Boggis, then Bunce, then Bean, so that no single victim could establish a pattern. This is not foraging. This is scheduling.

   • Exhibit A

     "Well, my darling," he would say, "what shall it be this time? A plump chicken from Boggis? A duck or a goose from Bunce? Or a nice turkey from Bean?"

     The defendant is heard planning the evening's offense in the form of a menu. Premeditation, with a choice of sides.

   Cross-reference: all convictions for this charge →

2. Count 2
   Attempted murder of a rat

   After entering Bean's secret cider cellar, the defendant met the resident Rat and after a brief argument, threatened to eat the Rat in one gulp.

   • Exhibit B Chapter 15, p. 62

     I am a hungry fellow and if you don't hop it quickly I shall eat you up in one gulp!

   Cross-reference: all convictions for this charge →

3. Count 3
   Attempted cross-species cannibalism

   The defendant threatened to eat the Rat if the defendant didn't get his way.

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4. Count 4
   Promotion of underage drinking

   The defendant escorted a minor — the Smallest Fox, his own son — into a cellar of alcoholic cider and permitted him to drink it. When the minor became audibly intoxicated, the defendant's response was to instruct him to be quiet, an instruction concerned exclusively with volume.

   • Exhibit D Chapter 15, p 64

     While they were talking, the Smallest Fox had sneaked a jar off the shelf and had taken a gulp. It was the real stuff, a home-brewed fiery liquor that burned in your throat and boiled in your stomach.

     The witness is a child. The enthusiasm is not the child's fault. It was provided to him by the defendant, in a jar.

   Cross-reference: all convictions for this charge →

5. Count 5
   Breaking and entering — third degree

   argument

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6. Count 6
   Insulting of a female, which happens to be his own wife

   Upon discovering Mr. Bean's secret cider cellar, the defendant composed and performed a celebratory song in which he predicted that his wife, then weak from hunger, would "not feel so rotten." The court accepts the quotation as accurate and declines to speculate about what, in the defendant's estimation, she felt like before.

   • Exhibit F Chapter 17, p. 73

     she'll not feel so rotten

     The word describing the defendant's wife is circled. The court will not be explaining why.

   Cross-reference: all convictions for this charge →

7. Count 7
   Employment of minors in an unlicensed excavation

   Over the course of the siege, the defendant directed his four children to dig for extended periods without pay, without breaks, and without any of the protective equipment customary in the tunneling industry. The defense describes this as "a family pulling together." The court describes it as counts one through four.

   • Exhibit D

     "My children, come with me!"

     A formal recruitment notice, addressed to a workforce whose average age the court is not permitted to read aloud.

   Cross-reference: all convictions for this charge →

For the defense

Overruled.

Sentence of the court

Life without parole. Entered 7 August 2026. Appeals are heard in the comments — see below.

Known associates

• Badger · TRV-002